Tuesday, 14 February 2017

THE BOOTLEGGER'S GODDAUGHTER available starting Valentine's Day!

And it starts and ends with a wedding in the works!




Even old mobsters retire eventually…don’t they?

The Bootlegger’s Goddaughter is book 5 in the award-winning Goddaughter series that Ellery Queen mystery magazine calls “Hilarious!” 

Gina Gallo is a mob goddaughter who doesn’t want to be one.  Her bumbling mob family never gets it right.  This time, she’s getting ready for her Christmas wedding.  But then she’s robbed, cousin Jimmy has a heart attack and someone in the Hammer has hijacked a truck full of booze.  What’s going on?  Gina knows bootlegging used to be a family business, but they stopped that in the 30s.  Didn’t they?

Here’s an excerpt:
Man, I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was get home, have a quick supper and take a long bath. That wasn’t asking too much, was it?
The gods hate me.
“Well, well. Look who’s here,” said a familiar voice.
Crap. It was Spence. The creepy guy who once had a crush on me in high school. Now a cop in The Hammer and my personal nemesis. Could this week get any worse?
“Gina Gallo, the girl with the longest confession. Who just happened to be involved in a gunfight in Hagersville. What a coincidence.”
Gulp. “What are you doing here, Spence?”
“Following up on that gunfight. You were seen. I figured you’d turn up here eventually,” he said.
“What gunfight? Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t the wild west.” I forced a smile. “Besides, I don’t even own a gun.”
“Then what about these bullet holes here in your fender?”
“What?” I hoofed it around to where he was standing. Holy crap. There were three holes in the back passenger-side fender
 “Freakin’ hell!” I said, throwing my arms in the air. “They shot up my car!” Now I was mad.

Available at Amazon, Chapters/Indigo, Barnes&Noble, iTunes, Kobo, independent bookstores, and all the usual suspects.

Official in-person launch:  March 30th in Hamilton!  All welcome



Friday, 10 February 2017

How to Tell if You're Italian (by the Goddaughter herself - Bad Girl!)



“Is that a salami in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”

Just in time for the launch of The Bootlegger's Goddaughter on Feb. 14, the original Bad Girl has this to say:


HOW TO TELL IF YOU’RE ITALIAN

I write mob comedies.  Yes, I’m Italian.  Yes, I’ve been a Goddaughter, like the heroine of THE GODDAUGHTER.  Okay, maybe not exactly like.  But close enough that I can easily imagine what it would like to be a mob goddaughter.  The Christmas presents would be pretty decent, for one thing.

Besides, I can get my salami and mortadella wholesale in any Hamilton deli.  Did someone say working class?

Melodie’s rules:  How to tell if you’re really Italian:

1.  If you absolutely cannot talk with your hands held down. Okay, not true. You can scream if they try to hold down your hands. And kick.

2.  If you have at least 2 cousins named Tony.  And one uncle.

3.  If you consider Pasta a vegetable. (It’s good for you!  Really.  Ask any Italian grandmother.)

4.  If you can listen to five conversations at once, in at least two languages, and answer back.

5.  If you have four first names (Melodie Lynn Theresa Anne…)

Okay, it gets a little tougher now….

6.  If you regularly faked a long penance after confession just so the boys would think you were HOT. (Hence the 'Bad Girl' moniker)

7.  If your family does not consider a ‘heater’ something you turn on in winter.

And how to fake it…

8.  Cry when Pavorotti sings the FIFA soccer anthem.

9.  Ask for Brio and Orangina in restaurants.  Gasp loudly if they don’t have it.

10.  Kiss everybody.  All the time.  Left cheek, Right cheek. (THEIR left cheek, right cheek.)

11.  ALWAYS wear designer shoes.  Especially when shopping for shoes.  If you don’t have a special wardrobe just for shopping, you are not Italian.

12.  Long hair, ladies.  At least until sixty.

13.  Wine is a vegetable.  It’s good for you.

I hate to end a list at 13.  We Sicilians are superstitious.  So here’s one last way you can tell you’re Italian:

Jewelry. Lots of it.  The plane nearly came down with the weight of newly purchased gold worn on that last trip back from Rome.  Heard in all lines at Customs: “What, this old thing?” 

Melodie Campbell got her start writing stand-up. You can follow her on this blog or better still, buy her wacky mob comedies at Chapters and Amazon.

Friday, 3 February 2017